don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
