Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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