apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
