But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
