My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
