just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
