Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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