Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize