my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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