There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
