He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
