Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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