My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This house was built for laser tag.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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