Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
