You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
