you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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