The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
