i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
