dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
