U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
