A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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