Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
