Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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