God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
