i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
