i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
