So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
