I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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