I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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