Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
