What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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