You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
