My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize