I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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