the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drunk is a universal language darling
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