dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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