Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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