I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
