is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
