I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
