Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
what is it with giant penises always finding me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
