I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
