college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
