I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize