i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
