god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The air taste purple.
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