I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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