the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
