Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
