i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
