dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
