I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
