I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
