mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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