im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You pole danced in your parka.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
