just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
