She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Text me some of your sweat
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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