I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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