Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
