no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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