Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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