woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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