me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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