At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
