This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
