i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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