If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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