I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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