the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
