Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
