My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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