Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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