I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
