when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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