My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
don't judge my taste in strippers
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
