Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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